The same is true for addiction. There are costs. There's the price we expect to pay and the price we actually pay. There's a price that may seem acceptable and a price we feel is unfair.
The addict knows of a man who had several affairs. He eventually confessed the affairs to his wife. He fully expected that she would leave him. That was the cost he expected.
She did not leave him. She stood by him and helped him find resources to heal the wounds that had lead to the affairs. He did not have to pay the price he expected.
But he and his wife live in a small town and rumors of the affairs started to spread. The rumors grew and eventually this man was thought to have a child out of wedlock. The rumors and loss of reputation were an unexpected price. He did not want to pay this price. He resented the price and grew angry!
He complained constantly about the rumors and discussed his rage for those spreading the rumors. "They have no right to say those things about me!"
But if he had been told at the beginning that his behavior was going to come with a cost and he had a choice as to what that cost would be, wouldn't he choose the rumors and loss of reputation over the loss of his marriage? Maybe unexpected costs which defray what we truly deserve are ok.
Addiction has costs and this addict, too, is face with the consequences of his actions. Acting out costs the addict in lost productivity at work. The addict lies at home to cover up his behavior. There is a loss of trust. The addict's wife has not left him. She has not ostracized or shamed him. She has stood by him.
Still, addiction has costs. And maybe the highest cost is the delusion that the addict is in control. And what good has the addict given up while wasting time in the pursuit of the empty? If the addict doesn't get about the business of recovery, he may never know.
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