4th Step Reflections

As a Christian, I am guided each day by the Lord's Prayer which includes a call to forgiveness:

"Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us"

These words, attributed to Christ, indicate that our ability to be forgiven is conditioned in some mysterious way on our ability to forgive. Forgiveness may be one of the most difficult practices a Christian is called to perform.

The addict is guided by the 12-steps. These steps are a guide to taking personal responsibility for past and present actions and to surrendering what we cannot control to a "Higher Power." I have been somewhat surprised that there is no call within the 12-steps for forgiveness.

Recently, I have been engaged in the 4th step:

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

Strangely enough, as I have gone through this step I have found a connection to forgiveness.

One suggested method for performing a 4th step inventory is to make a list of all persons we resent. Then we make a list of the reasons for the resentment--what has the person done that makes me angry? After this we list how each of these resentments affects ourselves (i.e., self-esteem, bitterness, etc.). Finally we list how we ourselves have contributed to the resentment (i.e., we started the argument, we felt entitled, etc.). In the end, a fourth step forces us to look at how we really contribute to our own sadness and anger. We must identify the underlying causes of resentments.

Well, each of these steps would apply to forgiveness as well. I can't forgive someone unless I truly understand how they have hurt me and what role I played in contributing to the hurt. I can't forgive someone without acknowledging the fullness of how they have harmed me, but I also can't forgive someone if I am balming them for something that was truly my own fault. Forgiveness takes honesty. The 4th step can supply honesty.

I leave today's journal entry with the following quote from Philip Yancey on his understanding of forgiveness. Where Yancey refers to God, the addict may substitute "Higher Power":

"At last I understood: in the final analysis, forgiveness is an act of faith. By forgiving another, I am trusting that God is a better justice-maker than I am. By forgiving, I release my own right to get even and leave all issues of fairness for God to work out. I leave in God's hands the scales that must balance justice and mercy."