Have I Hit My Reset?

Brothers:

Thank you again for a wonderful discussion. I have been thinking more and more about my "Reset Point." What does it take for me to get out of the cycle of addictive behavior once I have gotten into the cycle?

I had mentioned that my cycles of acting out typically end when I break down and confess to my wife. Does this mean that I am incapable of returning to sobriety without her? Does this mean that I am pursuing sobriety for her sake more than for my own?

I have done some more thinking on these questions. I think that sometimes the answer to both questions is "yes." Yes, I need her to restart me on the path of sobriety and yes I sometimes pursue sobriety for her approval. But I don't think this is always the case.

More and more, especially as we continue our work together, I am motivated to see sobriety because being sober is part of who I want to be. And yet my reset from acting out still includes disclosure to my spouse. But I think the difference is that I disclose because part of me vision of being free from addiction is being open and honest with my partner. If I have acted out and I have not disclosed, then I am not free from addiction. So I don't disclose because it is the only way of stopping the cycle, rather I disclose as a result of having stopped a current cycle.

If I am to be free of addiction, I will need to continue to disclose to my wife when I have slipped. Not because I need her to break free from the addiction, but because part of being her husband is being open and vulnerable with her.