Merry-Go-Round (Repeat Post)

Is it truly a yo-yo? Or more like a marry-go-round? The addict finds himself facing the same battles over and over. Making the same mistakes again and again. Coming full-circle like a boy on a merry-go-round.

Today the addict feels sad, anxious, lonely, and depressed. The addict doesn't want to be with others, but he's lonely by himself. There seems to be no sunshine in the addict's life.

After a long and lonely morning walk with the dogs, the addict realized that he has been here before. Just a month or so ago the addict slipped into one of these moody depressions. It turned out the addict had not refilled his anti-depressant meds and had been flying solo for about two week.

This morning the addict realized once again that he has not refilled his medications and has been flying solo for about two weeks.

Sad
Anxious
Depressed
Lonely

Been here before.

Sad
Anxious
Depressed
Lonely

Here I am again.



Life goes in circles for the addict. And then he finds frustration in his circumstances. And then he questions what is real.

"Who am I?" says the addict.

"Am I the serene and balanced self that I experience when I am taking my meds?"

"Or am I truly the despairing, lonely, and anxious self that I experience without meds?"

Which is real? Both? Neither? Which one matters in this pilgrimage through life, addiction, and recovery?

The addict doesn't know.
He just shrugs his shoulders and walks on.
He just walks on.
Walks on.
In a circle.

Yo-yo.
Rollercoaster.
Merry-go-round.