Living Accordingly?

Good morning, Blueshirts:

I struggled with our end of year commitment and stumbled across the line having acted out two or three different times in the last ten days. This was a disappointment for me.

Today's reflection for A.A. from Hazelden gave me something to think about:

"When I came into A.A., I learned what an alcoholic was and then I applied this knowledge to myself to see if I was an alcoholic. When I was convinced that I was an alcoholic, I admitted it openly. Since then, have I been learning to live accordingly?"

We are not alcoholics, we are sex addicts, but the same principals apply to us. The question posed really caught my attention this morning.

"Since then, have I been learning to live accordingly?"

Have I been learning to live in full acknowledgment that I am a sex addict? I admit daily that I am an addict and I acknowledge my powerlessness before God. I ask God daily for help in recovery.

But I also try to live as if I were not an addict. Rather than admitting my sickness and avoiding all manners of temptation, I tend to delude myself into thinking that because I have acknowledged that I am an addict I can live an ordinary life and do the same things that healthy people do. The truth is that because I am sick, I cannot do the things healthy people can do.

A healthy person can go to a bar and drink one or two drinks and not have any problems; this would be death for an alcoholic.

A healthy person can channel-surf, watch suggestive movies, and live a healthy life; as a sex addict, I cannot do this.

What is ok for a healthy person is a danger to me. But day-in and day-out I attempt to live as if this were not true. I acknowledge my condition and ask for help, but then I put myself in situations that are risky for me. I seem to believe that if I acknowledge that I am sick, I can live as if I were not sick. This has been a constant stumbling block for me.

Blueshirts, I thank you for your fellowship and support on this frustrating journey. With your help, and the help of Christ, there is hope.

Hope even for one who lives in denial.