Turtle Pulse Check (03/24)

FEELINGS

Today I feel hopeful, grateful, anxious, and lonely.


ISSUES

With Braxton home from the hospital, I am at the office for a full day for the first time since March 14th. Now I face the issues of keeping up at work while remaining available to Braxton and the rest of the family. Also, focusing at work is more difficult.


NEEDS

I need to re-discover how to surrender myself and my issues to Christ. In this time of crisis, I have withdrawn from God and tried to become self-reliant. It's not working. I am too weak for such things. I need Christ.


CHECK-IN

Life as an addict has been dicey lately. My addict is very good at the game of justification and Braxton's cancer has fed the beast. "You should act out to relieve stress. You deserve it and it will be better for your family because then you can be more present to them. Go ahead. Act out!"

Fortunately, I have not acted out. But that has been more due to my increased responsibilities and commitment and not so much due to my personal strength. Still, whatever the source, sobriety is a gift to be welcomed.