Note to Blueshirts

Good morning, Brothers:

We had more good news on Braxton yesterday. He had a PET scan to determine how much the cancer had spread through his blood system and the results show that it is localized to his right leg. Today he is checking into the hospital and having surgery to insert a catheter-port underneath the skin on his chest. This port will be used for his chemo treatments. They will also extract some bone marrow and do a spinal tap to make sure that the cancer has not entered these areas.

I am experiencing a wide mix of feelings: sadness, stress, gratefulness, helplessness, anxiety. I am very grateful for Braxton's prognosis and that everything is moving forward now. I am stressed with trying to work and take care of the rest of the family while Beth spends time with Braxton at the hospital. My employer has been very flexible and has told me to take as much time as I need, but I have projects that I want to keep moving. Damn stubborn addict!!!

I have been all over my middle circle these past several days -- channel surfing, fantasizing, noticing women. I keep wondering how these thoughts can be in my head when so much serious stuff is happening. My addict keeps telling me that I need to act out to cope with all this stress. "Go ahead," says my addict, "You deserve to take care of yourself."

All I can do is cry out, "Help me, Lord!"

Thank you brothers for all of your support. It is good not to have to isolate.