Travel Travails

Yay

Wait

Scream

Squish

Crunch

Hurry

Shuffle

Moo

Boil

Whew

Wednesday was a travel day for D-Monk. I was headed down to Phoenix for a boondoggle. The goal was to get from Minneapolis to Phoenix to work a life insurance trade show.

YAY!

Things started well. D-Monk's dad volunteered to drive him to the airport. We left at 6:45am and hit very little traffic. A smooth commute to the airport.

Yay ...

WAIT

D-Monk was flying United airlines. United has a new seating system where they try to charge you extra for seats in "economy plus." Because of this, D-Monk was unable to reserve seats prior to getting to the airport. So he got to the gate early to get a seat assignment. At that point he was given a choice: pay $30 for an upgrade to "economy plus," or come back in half an hour to get the same seat for free. So D-Monk waited.

Yay - Wait ...

SCREAM!

D-Monk boarded the plane and took a seat near the rear where there were three screaming toddlers.

Yay - Wait - Scream ...

SQUISH!

To make matters worse, a very large person came and sat in the seat next to D-Monk (who at 6' 1" already lacks for space on a plane).

Yay - Wait - Scream - Squish ...

CRUNCH!

Thirty minutes into the flight to Phoenix, the passenger in front of D-Monk decided to recline her seat ... right into D-Monk's knees! Ouch!

Yay - Wait - Scream - Squish - Crunch ...

HURRY!

The flight to Phoenix required a connection in Denver with not much time to make the connecting flight. The connecting flight was 33 gates away causing D-Monk to rush.

Yay - Wait - Scream - Squish - Crunch - Hurry ...

SHUFFLE

And, of course, D-Monk didn't have a seat assignment yet. So he rushed through the airport to make his connection and get a seat. D-Monk arrived at the gate just in time to learn that the gate had been changed. Six gates farther to walk.

Yay - Wait - Scream - Squish - Hurry - Shuffle ...

MOO!

After spending twenty minutes at the new gate they announced that there was a plane bound for Tampa that was blocking the new gate. The plane was having mechanical difficulties and so the gate was unavailable. Our plane was ready to go, but there was no gate for the plane to come to. After another twenty minutes they announced that they had found a gate - 21 gates back the other direction. All of the passengers started towards the other end of the airport like a herd of cattle.

Yay - Wait - Scream - Squish - Hurry - Shuffle - Moo ...

BOIL

When our herd of passengers arrived at the new gate we encountered a second herd of passengers. Another announcement came over the intercom: "We have two cannibal planes heading towards this gate - one bound for Phoenix and another bound for San Francisco. We don't know which plane will get to the gate first, but we will load one and the other will have to wait." The two herds of passengers were now competitors ready for blood ...

Yay - Wait - Scream - Squish - Hurry - Shuffle - Moo - Boil ...

WHEW!

Five minutes later it was announced that the San Francisco flight would not be coming to the gate because "the plane was broken." Our flight to Phoenix was ready to go!

Yay - Wait - Scream - Squish - Hurry - Shuffle - Moo - Boil - Whew!

And so, in the end, D-Monk made it to Phoenix after an eventful trip that was only one hour late.

Yay - Wait - Scream - Squish - Hurry - Shuffle - Moo - Boil - Whew!