Today I received a call from a brother in recovery. Suddenly the "quiet times" are over and I am back in crisis, albeit someone else's crisis.
The friend who called me is one of the "Blueshirts," the core of men in recovery that I meet with every other week and talk to almost daily. We have pledged to be a part of each other's recovery and today's phone call affirmed that pledge.
My Blueshirt Brother acted out this past weekend. The incident was not a small slip in his mind, but a major stumble. He is caught up in anguish, guilt, and some self-loathing. Such is life for an addict trapped in the cycle of addiction.
His first reason for calling was to disclose the episode in detail. Bring it to light so that its power for enticing repetition could be diminished. Additionally, he wanted advice on several issues.
The incident took place when he was invited out by a friend. He and the friend were alone and acted out together. He was aware that this was a possibility, but went anyway.
So he asked several things.
1. She he call this friend and place a boundary on their relationship (no doing things together alone)?
2. Should he disclose this to his wife?
3. Any other advice?
Advice giving is discouraged in twelve-step recovery groups. But in this case he asked me directly for advice and I felt great humility and a sense of duty to him. So I responded.
I told him that I thought calling his friend was a good idea. Addicts don't need open invitations to break sobriety. We're sick and cannot handle some of the everyday situations that normal people can handle.
I also told him I felt he would benefit from some sort of disclosure to his wife. This would help emphasize the cost of addiction and make more clear that our lives are unmanageable.
Then I shared with him my recent experiences. I have been graced with nearly a full month of sobriety. This is due in great part to two things. First, I made a full and open disclosure to my wife of my failings in recovery. Not a general "yes I've acted out" sort of an admission. But an honest admission of the frequency and seriousness of my acting out. That was a very painful experience, but it took away one of the greatest tools my addict relies on: secrecy and shame.
Second, I have recently been able to better hand my will over to Christ. The hurt in my life has opened my eyes to how much better Christ's will is than my own. My heart has been softened and I have been able to acknowledge that I don't really need some of the pleasures I was trying to hold on to. This second thing has been a true gift. I feel so much more freedom without having to worry about these issues. I have been blessed!
Thank you, Lord, for the ongoing gift of sobriety!
The friend who called me is one of the "Blueshirts," the core of men in recovery that I meet with every other week and talk to almost daily. We have pledged to be a part of each other's recovery and today's phone call affirmed that pledge.
My Blueshirt Brother acted out this past weekend. The incident was not a small slip in his mind, but a major stumble. He is caught up in anguish, guilt, and some self-loathing. Such is life for an addict trapped in the cycle of addiction.
His first reason for calling was to disclose the episode in detail. Bring it to light so that its power for enticing repetition could be diminished. Additionally, he wanted advice on several issues.
The incident took place when he was invited out by a friend. He and the friend were alone and acted out together. He was aware that this was a possibility, but went anyway.
So he asked several things.
1. She he call this friend and place a boundary on their relationship (no doing things together alone)?
2. Should he disclose this to his wife?
3. Any other advice?
Advice giving is discouraged in twelve-step recovery groups. But in this case he asked me directly for advice and I felt great humility and a sense of duty to him. So I responded.
I told him that I thought calling his friend was a good idea. Addicts don't need open invitations to break sobriety. We're sick and cannot handle some of the everyday situations that normal people can handle.
I also told him I felt he would benefit from some sort of disclosure to his wife. This would help emphasize the cost of addiction and make more clear that our lives are unmanageable.
Then I shared with him my recent experiences. I have been graced with nearly a full month of sobriety. This is due in great part to two things. First, I made a full and open disclosure to my wife of my failings in recovery. Not a general "yes I've acted out" sort of an admission. But an honest admission of the frequency and seriousness of my acting out. That was a very painful experience, but it took away one of the greatest tools my addict relies on: secrecy and shame.
Second, I have recently been able to better hand my will over to Christ. The hurt in my life has opened my eyes to how much better Christ's will is than my own. My heart has been softened and I have been able to acknowledge that I don't really need some of the pleasures I was trying to hold on to. This second thing has been a true gift. I feel so much more freedom without having to worry about these issues. I have been blessed!
Thank you, Lord, for the ongoing gift of sobriety!
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