The Calm

It was a quiet weekend for the addict and his family. It was not a "circus" weekend and there was not much planned on the calendar. Instead of being packed with family responsibilities and time commitments, the weekend was dominated by an eerie calm.

Why is this calm "eerie"? Simply because the addict walks on shaky ground at home and is not sure of his current "standing" in the household.

A little over two weeks ago, the addict "re-disclosed" to his Beloved. He again acknowledged that he is an addict and gave her the full truth on his recovery -- or lack thereof. While the addict has been in recovery for over three years, he still acts out regularly. This was the kernel of re-disclosure -- the addict is still acting out.

After disclosure, the addict made certain promises to his Beloved. Promises to be more open and honest -- to not hide the truth about progress in recovery. But also promises about other aspects of life: follow-through on certain financial issues, commitment to seek resources, and more involvement in general household issues.

These fresh commitments relate not only to recovery from addiction, but to general challenges in the addict's life. They push the addict to be more proactive with recovery and also with addressing issues stemming from depression and A.D.D.

So far the recovery related commitments have gone well. I have experienced bottom-line sobriety as well as serenity since re-disclosure took place. The non-recovery issues, however, have been more of a challenge. I have taken some steps towards following through on these copmmitments, but not as many as I could or should. This is frustrating both to me and to my Beloved.

So the weekend was quiet and calm. The weekend was a celebration of new progress in recovering from addiction. But the weekend also seemed to stand as a quiet condemnation of failure to meet other commitments.

Life is so complex. If one area is going strong, something else will be lacking. At least that is the way it has always felt to me. Can one ever celebrate accomplishments when there is always something else that has been left undone?

The Calm yields no answer.