24 Hours

What a difference a day makes.

Yesterday:

The addict was working towards recovery, but still acting out once to twice a week.

The addict was getting ready to celebrate his fifth wedding anniversary.

The addict was looking forward to a night out and an upcoming weekend.


Today:

The addict is sad, fearful, and lonely.

The addict is till on the road to recovery, but that's not enough.

The addict is worried about his marriage and in remorse over all of the hurt he has caused his Beloved.


So What Happened?

The addict acted out yesterday. Acted out before returning home to celebrate the anniversary of his marriage. The addict was late in returning home. And before he got home, the addict knew that he could no longer hide the truth. Wedding anniversaries cannot be celebrated under a cloud of secrets.

When the addict returned home he disclosed that he had acted out. He also disclosed his regular cycle of acting out once to twice a week. The addict's Beloved knew he had acted out, but had not known the frequency of his behavior.

No anniversary celebration. Instead, a long, painful heart-to-heart conversation in which the Beloved mostly spoke and the addict mostly listened. Things need to change. This can't go on. It is time for the addict to start making better choices. Every incident of acting out demonstrates that the addict is choosing his addiction over his Beloved.


Response #1 - Is it a Choice?

The addict wants to cry out that he is not choosing addiction over his Beloved. He is not choosing to act out.

At the same time the addict still holds out hope of recovery. Recovery must include a cessation to acting out. Doesn't this involve choice?

So the addict feels trapped in a painful conundrum: Either he IS choosing to act out and is responsible for all of the hurt he has caused his Beloved, or the addict has NO CHOICE and also must acknowledge that any hope of recovery is an illusion. Despair.

IT'S NOT THAT EASY!


Response #2 - Empty Promises

The addict makes the same promises he has before. I will change. I will work my program. I will communicate better. I will contribute more to the household.

But what will make these promises different now? How can one make the same promises he has broken repeatedly in the past? At this point in the game, words mean nothing.


Response #3 - What a Blessing!

It is true that the addict is experiencing pain and sadness today. But it is also true that the addict has broken out of his shell. For the past few years the addict has hid almost everything from those around him. He has withdrawn emotionally and tried to manage recovery on his own.

All the while the addict has been telling himself that he will disclose everything once he has started to recover. As soon as I have a month of sobriety, then I will let her know how things are really going. And slowly the addict built up walls around himself so thick that he couldn't even imagine how he might bring them back down.

Today the addict is in pain, but he is also out of the shadows.