Isolationism

It was a good weekend for the addict. It was a hard weekend and a good weekend.

For a number of weeks now, the addict has been feeling very isolated. Not just isolated, but VERY isolated. The addict marveled to himself about how isolated one could feel on a plane full of people, or at an office full of co-workers, or even at home.



Isolation is, of course, one of the tools the addict uses to "protect" himself. If threatened, the addict will throw up walls or withdraw into his super-strength addict turtle shell. To prevent being hurt, the addict will withdraw from anyone who might love him. But, of course, the addict will then be deprived of love, joy, and happiness as well (but at least he won't feel hurt!).

But this type of isolation doesn't seem to explain the addict's recent experiences of feeling isolated and alone. So far as the addict can recall, there has been no serious threat to the addict which would cause him to withdraw or isolate. But there is no doubt that the isolation has been there.

What up?

After a heart-to-heart discussion with his beautiful and beloved betrothed over the weekend, the addict thinks he may have stumbled across an answer. The addict has been using the internet as a resource and a tool for sharing his recovery and his feelings about life, work, and recovery. The addict has become a regular participant on a number of discussion forums, and a member of the web community "Stumble Upon." The addict came to these places as a means of self-disclosure and self-exploration.

Since the addict has always had difficulties expressing feelings and emotions, he turned to the web as a possible way of overcoming these struggles. The web had places where the addict could feel safe. He found other like-minded people and many other sensitive people who would listen to his story and encourage him along his way. And this was good.

The goal was for these tool to provide a supplement to the addict's recovery and encourage the addict to grow socially. What ended up happening was that the addict found an outlet for his emotions and struggles and the internet became a substitute instead of a supplement.

Rather than adding to the depth of the addict's emotional experience, the internet shrunk it. Because when the addict was able to share his stories on-line, he no longer sought or attempted to share them with loved ones in his "real" life.

Sadly, the addict didn't even notice this was happening. He noticed that he was feeling isolated, but the explanation did not occur to him. Not until he was confronted by his beloved betrothed did the addict realize that he was withdrawing from his loved ones.



But his beloved betrothed was there. She came to him and had the courage and love to confront him. Where are you, addict? she lamented. What are you feeling? Why aren't you sharing? And she had the courage to share her concerns even though the addict might respond by withdrawing further.

The addict is grateful for the love of the betrothed. What a wonder she is!

Thankyou, Beloved, for the ways that you love the addict. Thankyou, Betrothed, for your courage and encouragement!