STUMBLED

"No Free Porn"

Brothers:

Here is an excellent article on the true cost of our addiction:

No Free Porn

Let's make sure we count the costs.

Note to Blueshirts

Hello, Blueshirts:

I have been struggling this past week. I acted out at the office last week on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. I acted out at home yesterday.

Worse than acting out, I am rationalizing. I am telling myself that porn is no big deal. It's just something men look at and it's a healthy way to deal with our physical needs.

I know this is a lie, but I could easily believe it right now. It's hard to fight such lies. When you believe them, there's no real motivation to stay sober.

So I need to acknowledge the lie. I need to acknowledge God's truth. Any man who looks at a woman with lust has committed adultery in his heart. Porn is adultery. It is not part of God's plan for me. I have to acknowledge this and confess my thoughts.

Prayer needed ...

Do You Really Want a Cure?

A distressed person came to a wise man for help.

"Do you really want a cure?" the wise man asked.

"If I did not, would I bother to come to you?" the disciple answered.

"Oh, yes," the wise man said. "Most people do."

And the disciple said, incredulously, "But what for then?"

And the wise man answered, "Well, not for a cure. That's painful. They come for relief."


+ taken from The Rule of Benedict: Insights for the Ages, by Joan Chittister.

A Turtle's Day

It has been a quiet week for this turtle. Besides hot & sunny weather, the only big thing going on has been a landscaping project.

Beth and I decided to re-do the rocks lining both sides of our driveway last week. Too many weeds have been getting through and making the rocks very unattractive. So we dug out the old orange rocks, dug deeper into the ground by the driveway, laid in new edging and laid down new lining, and selected new rocks to re-fill the area. We went with "river rocks," a mix of different colored rocks that are smooth and round.

Beth also decided that her garden needed some new mulch to prevent weeds from taking over. So we (she) selected a dark hardwood mulch with which to cover up everything.

So last weekend, and throughout this past week, Beth and I have spent time working together in the front yard - she working primarily on the garden and me diggin and distributing rocks. It was a good set of projects to do together and I feel good for having spent time outdoors, accomplished something, and spent some time with my lover.

This week should be a quieter week as Zoe & Gretchen have gone up north for camp together. This should be a great adventure for them and a quiet house for us.

Note to Blueshirts

Hello, Blueshirts:

I had a big slip yesterday. But I really feel that the more important issue is what I do with today. Today is a chance to focus on progress - not perfection.

If I focus on perfection, then there is no hope for me. Each slip brings utter failure and total condemnation.

But if the focus is progress, then there is hope indeed. Hope that comes from knowing Christ and the grace that He provides. Hope from the presence of brothers who will walk this path with me. Hope that my hard heart can be softened and renewed over time.

So I am putting yesterday behind me. Today is a new day.

Today is a day for renewed surrender to Christ. Today is a day to re-connect through prayer and phone calls. Today is a day to focus on my outer-circle activities and the healthy joy they bring.

I will contact each of you today to re-affirm my commitment to surrender and progress.

Thank you, Brothers!

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A Turtle's Day

A TURTLE'S DAY



D-Monk and family took the circus "up north" for some vacation. Everyone came on this trip except for Bayley who was at church camp. Even the family dogs - Sunny & Rufus - got in on the action.

With two adults, five children, and two dogs, we were forced to take two cars for the drive. This provided one of the trip highlights. I was driving the lead car and had both dogs with me. Rufus had his head out the window letting his ears flap in the breeze. Then I got a phone call from my wife.

"Rufus' drool is hitting my windshield!"

The whole vacation was great. We stayed at a cabin on Little Dead Horse Lake - about 20 miles north of Grand Rapids, MN. The cabin was right on the water front, with a dock, two fishing boats, and a paddle boat.

The kids enjoyed a weekend of fishing off the dock, paddle boating, hiking, and being in a parade for the city of Marble, Minnesota (celebrating its 100th birthday). The parade also featured what has to be the slowest marching band in the world (a collection of old men from Chisolm, Minnesota who are part of a drum and bugle corps). D-Monk enjoyed all of the above plus going out on the lake to watch and photograph a family of loons.

On the final day of the trip, D-Monk took two of his children (Paul & Gretchen) to the headwaters of the Mississippi River at Lake Itasca in northwestern Minnesota.

A fun time was had by all!

Note to Blueshirts

Hello, Blueshirts:

I have been off on vacation with my family the past several days and the time off was good. I am happy to report continued sobriety and a sense of reconnection with my loved ones. Blessings all around!


Today:

F - anxious, rushed, grateful

I - getting back into rhythm at work

N - reconnect with God through prayer and surrender


I hope all is well with each of you. Sorry for missing Monday's meeting. The good news is that my check-in would have included two weeks of sobriety.

Time to march forward!

Note to Blueshirts

Hello, Blueshirts:

Today it's slippery but sober.

I have had a good week - at home and at the office. The gift of sobriety has continued. But I am also finding myself distracted this week. Perhaps it is because it's summer. Perhaps it's because I haven't refilled my A.D.D. medication. Perhaps it's because a holiday weekend is on it's way and our family will be headed up north.

Whatever the reason, I find myself less present at the office. My mind is not on my work. That in itself is not so bad, but once my mind starts wandering addictive behavior is one of the places it will inevitably stumble upon.

This happened to me yesterday afternoon. I had completed a project and was yearning for vacation and the great outdoors. To that point I had not experienced any desire for acting out nor any serious triggers. But suddenly my mind was not focused and I found myself wanting to go to old websites. I even started down that path for a little while.

This type of episode really frustrates me. I don't feel safe with myself. What is it that takes me back to that place even when life is going good?


Today:

F - distracted, frustrated, hopeful, grateful

I - stay focused at work

N - to be rigorously honest with myself and others; to surrender all to Christ.


Thanks for listening, Brothers. Have a great day!

Clippy Says

A Turtle's Day

It's been a quiet couple of days here in Turtle Town. I guess we are just in between adventures.

We had a great family adventure to Illinois last weekend. Beth's niece Alissa got married and we all had a wonderful time.

This coming weekend we will take the whole fam damily up into northern Minnesota to stay at a cabin which was offered to us for free. It will be a circus vacation - one which includes all six children from our blended families. And for this trip we will even bring our two dogs - Sunny & Rufus. I'm sure they'll hear us coming! Watch out!!!

But now it is simply "in between." A 3 1/2 day work week with nothing but quiet. Of course when you're used to a circus, quiet's not a bad thing!