"Became Willing to Make Amends"

Step 8: "Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all."

Lately, the addict has been angry. But that wasn't supposed to be the topic of today's diary entry. The topic was supposed to center on the "Rules of the Road." Why cars need to yield to bicyclists and why bicyclists need to yield to pedestrians, along with a reminder to bicyclists that, at least in the State of Minnesota, sidewalks are for pedestrians only.

But that is no longer what today's post is about. Now the post is about anger and making amends.

Let's go back to yesterday ...

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It was a hot, humid, sunny afternoon in Minnesota and the addict was out on a training run. This was the last run before the marathon which the addict is scheduled to run at the end of this week. And the training run was going harder than it should have because the day was hotter and more humid than what the addict was used to.

About five miles into the run, the addict was running on a neighborhood sidewalk, listening to music, and battling the heat, when suddenly a bicycle came from behind him and jostled him in his run.

Anger!

Then a second bicyclist.

More anger!

The addict lost his temper and shouted obscenities at the two cyclists. And watching them just continue on their way, the addict got even angrier.

So the addict used his anger to push harder and run faster, hoping in vain to catch up to the cyclists. The addict quickened his pace considerably on a day that was supposed to be a light run. The addict became an angry runner.

Eventually the addict turned back towards home and eased up a bit on his pace. But now he was an angry runner and a worried runner. Angry at the cyclists and worried that he had pushed himself too hard so shortly before marathon day.

Just then he heard shouts from behind him. The same two cyclists had returned and were still biking on the sidewalk.

So what did the addict do? Did he establish contact with his Higher Power and step aside to let the bikers go by? Did he apologize for his earlier language? Did he "let it go"?

No.

He placed himself in the middle of the path so the cyclists couldn't get by. He told them that they had less than a full grasp of how the laws worked in this part of the world. He got in their faces and they got back in his. There were even a couple of shoves.

Then the bikers left and the addict was again angry that he could not run as fast as they could bike away. He ran hard again. He was an angry runner, pushing very hard on a very hot day. The addict was now at the mercy of his memories of the incident for he could not let it go. There is no joy for an angry runner!

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So how does the addict feel today? The addict still feels angry. But now he also feels shame, embarrassment, and remorse.

Why is it so important to be "right"? What if the addict had simply made room for the cyclists and treated them as honored guests? How can the addict change his reactions the next time something like this happens?

And is the addict "willing to make amends"? If he saw the two cyclists today, would he apologize for his role or would he continue the argument?

The choice is up to you, addict. Are you willing to make amends and move forward, or will you continue to live as a slave to your resentment.

It's up to you, addict. Make a choice!