Return of the Addict

Yes, I'm back! The addict has returned from self-imposed exile. He took time off to get his house in order (literally) and has, impossibly, returned.

How has the addict been?

The hope was that by putting all of his energy into the pursuit of a definite goal -- getting the house on the market -- that life would have sufficient purpose and there would be no room for distraction. But, alas, this was not so.

The addict did pursue a goal, but the addict still got side-tracked from time to time. And the addict had put himself into a state of self-imposed isolation. The addict was not doing those things needed for growth, contact, and support. So the addict pursued his goal vigorously and, unfortunately, pursued his addiction too.

How frustrating is the life of addiction. The continuous pursuit of what we know deep down will not satisfy us. Giving up more and more of our own life in return for less and less. Creating doubts which isolate us from those we love and which lead to separation from the Creator.



The addict begins to feed the cycle of his shame: (i) I am a bad and worthless person, (ii) nobody will love me if they know the truth about me, (iii) I am the only one who can take care of my needs, (iv) my addictive behavior is how I take care of those needs, (v) my addictive behavior brings me shame --> (i) I am a bad and worthless person ...

Around and around and around I go.

But it is getting better over time. Slowly the addict is finding healthy ways to reach out to people and connect. Slowly the addict is learning to give up all or nothing thinking. An addictive slip does not mean I am not still on the road to recovery. The addict can keep working the program.

So to all of you who have reached out a hand to help this struggling addict ... Thank you. To anyone struggling with addiction or feelings of worthlessness ... know that you are not alone.

And so the addict wanders on ...