L.I.F.E.Workbook: Principle One - Assignment Two

“Understanding Our Cycle”

In this assignment you will keep looking at that silent self that has kept you in bondage. The purpose of this assignment is to continue to bring into the light that which has been cloaked in darkness. It is also to show you some things that you will need to work on in a very specific and practical way.

FANTASY - those thoughts that you have about sex.

- “preoccupation” – you’ve been preoccupied with sexual thoughts and imaginings.

Sexual thoughts lead to RITUALS, which are those things we use to prepare to act out. Any thought or behavior you use to get from fantasy to acting out is part of your ritual.

A ritual begins with faulty thinking, which launches the process long before you act out.

What have you told yourself about why its OK to act out?

Two main categories of faulty thinking:

Justification – For example, we might think that is we do enough good things for God, we are allowed to do a few bad things. It is like we have a balance sheet in our heads – a formula we have worked out – and we reason, “God won’t mind if I do these sexual things because I did so many other good things for Him.”

We’ve read I Cor. 7 about how Paul says we should marry so that we don’t “burn.” When we find that’s not the case with us, our faulty thinking tells us that our sexual struggles are our partner’s fault or that we’ve married the wrong person. We then feel justified in committing sexual sins. We might even believe our acting out is a way we can satisfy ourselves so that we can tolerate remaining in our marriage. In our sick thinking, we see our sexual sin as having the positive benefit of preventing divorce.

We also tell ourselves that it’s OK to act out as long as “no one gets hurt.” We think that if we can just keep our sin a secret, especially from our wives, then no harm is done.

Entitlement – Sometimes we justify our sexual sins by thinking we deserve it, which is a form of “entitlement.” Many of us have said to ourselves, “Nobody loves me and no one will take care of me. I have to do it for myself.” We believe no one else understands us and the pain we feel. Down deep we’re angry about not getting our needs met, and we feel entitled to meet our needs ourselves, including using sex or unholy relationships.

Entitlement also tells us that we do so much, we work so hard, and we’re so stressed that we deserve a reward. Because life is so often difficult, we might even think it’s only fair to do these sexual things. We deserve some comfort and gratification.