Turtle Pulse Check (10/15) - Escaping Flux

It's been a long time with no check-in for this addict. So what's going on? Where has the addict been?

Flux.

Last we saw the addict he was on an emotional mountain top. Life was filled with joy and exuberance after finishing his third marathon and setting a personal best time of 4:51. Months of training had come to fruition with a successful run and a feeling of real personal accomplishment.

What the addict had not prepared for was the let down. We all know from life that mountain top experiences don't last. Sadly, life is lived out in the valley.

After the joy of victory started to subside, I found myself in a state of flux. I had lost the goal that had allowed me to be focused for the weeks leading up to the marathon. I had lost the adrenaline that comes with the training and race day experience. I had lost my bearings. I was in flux.

Sadly, I reached out to my old ways as the means to calm myself. Finding myself at home - alone - as my body recovered from the race, I went onto the internet and searched out pornography. I did not call my accountability partners or attempt to engage in an outer circle activity. I went straight to my addictive behavior - internet pornography.

I spent the next week in a flux of ups-and-downs as I continued to act out. At one point I even considered skipping my bi-weekly meeting with my accountability partners. I was sliding.

Eventually I did call one of the Blueshirts. The conversation was good and he helped me to look at what had happened and to see some of the causes. To that point I had not even thought about the loss of adrenaline and loss of goals. But in hindsight what had happened made perfect sense. I need to be better prepared for how to recover from my next mountain top experience.

This week has been good so far. I've been very busy at work and making daily phone calls. I'm living life in the valley, but hopefully I've escaped state of flux.

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