Courage to Change

After a period of improving sobriety, I have experienced a major slip this week. I have acted out - at my place of work - two days in a row. This is not good. What's more, I can't really point to any triggers for these recent incidents. I haven't been angry or lonely or stressed. I have simply acted out because I wanted to.

That's a bad place for me to be.

I have to admit that I am both frightened and discouraged by this turn of events. Will I ever get better? Am I making progress? God, are you there?

As I often do, I turn again now to the serenity prayer:





In the past I have tended to focus on the serenity portion of the prayer. I have taken comfort and courage from acknowledging and accepting the things I cannot change.

But today I am looking elsewhere. Today I am focusing on what I CAN change. I am looking for the courage to do what must be done. This is where I am letting myself and others down, by not acknowledging what things I actually do have power over.

So I am making myself a list of some of the things that I do have control over and can do to help maintain sobriety.

These are some things that I have power over:

+ I do NOT need to look for pictures of celebrities that are new to me; I am not a slave to my curiosity;

+ I CAN pray and meditate two to three times each day, including weekends;

+ I CAN take my meds daily, as prescribed;

+ I CAN get regular exercise;

+ I CAN be honest with my life partner and tell her when I have slipped;

+ I CAN make two to three phone calls daily to my accountability partners;

+ I CAN regularly journal about my feelings and other life circumstances that may be challenging me;

+ I CAN avoid changing the filter preferences on my computer so as to avoid exposure to content that will trigger my addictive behavior;

+ I CAN avoid channel surfing and be more intentional about my television habits;

+ I CAN make a daily surrender of myself to God;

+ I CAN take some time to create a personal vision statement and provide positive goals for who I want to be.


This is not an exhaustive list, but it is a good start. I need to stop making excuses and continue to focus on the areas in my life where I can take responsibility for my behaviors.

It's true, there are many things in my life that I cannot control;
I surrender these and ask for serenity.

But there are things that I can control;
I ask for courage to do these things and take responsibility for the person I am and the person I want to be.