Control - Power - Serenity

Today the addict went to a morning group meeting. The addict has been strugglng the past couple of weeks, acting out on a consistent basis.

There were good words for the addict at today's meeting. Conversation and reflection today gravitated to the issue of control. A number of the recovering addicts talked about the issue of control in their world. What things do we do to try to impose our wills on our surroundings?

One of the men pointed out that the greater the amount of stress he is experiencing, the more he tries to control. And we all agreed that we tend to put most of our efforts into controlling things we have no power over. We try to manage stress levels, triggering events, other people's thoughts and behaviors, the flow of time, etc.

And we all tend to spend little time working on the things we do have power over: making phone calls, reaching out to other addicts, going to meetings, taking daily inventories, etc.

All this despite the fact that we begin and end every meeting with the Serenity Prayer. No wonder we're addicts!

So today's lesson for the addict:

Listen with your heart to the words of the Serenity Prayer!

THE SERENITY PRAYER


Wisdom comes from understanding what things we have power over, what things we don't, and then focusing our efforts accordingly.

Addict, may you find serenity!

Purpose Driven Life - Day 4

SEEING LIFE FROM GOD'S VIEW



POINT TO PONDER:

There is more to life than just here and now.

VERSE TO REMEMBER:

The world and its desire are passing away, but those who do the will of God live forever.

1 John 2:17


WARREN'S THOUGHTS

This life is not all there is.

This life is preparation for the next.

When you live in light of eternity, your values change. You use your time and money more wisely. You place a higher premium on relationships and character instead of fame or wealth or achievements or even fun. Your priorities are reordered.


MY THOUGHTS

I have to admit that this is one area where I have some disagreements with Warren and those who think like him. The argument is that life here and now is brief and short while the "next" life is long and permanent. Therefore, decisions we make today should be based on fears or hopes about the next life.

I think this analogy misrepresents the true nature of time and our experience of time.

If measuring in some discreet unit such as hours or years, it may be true that heaven/eternity will represent a much larger value than our lifespan on earth. But there is no direct evidence that time has any meaning other than for our earthly lives. Like the rest of our universe, time is something created. The only time we may ever know is the time we have on earth.

But the other part of the message is important: this time is not the purpose of our lives. It really flows from the earlier reflections--it's not about me.

We can choose to live each day as if the purpose of the day is determined by ourselves or as if each day has been given purpose by the Creator. If we believe in a Creator/God/Higher Power, that will change how we should go about living each day. Do we receive each day as a gift, or do we take each day as a possession? Do we try simply to get the most pleasure possible for ourselves, or do we offer ourselves to something greater?

Still, I don't think we should try to scare people into changing their behavior because they'll have to live forever with the consequences. The truth is that the only time people have choices about is now. Use that now in a way that gives meaning to all the other moments of your life!

Purpose Driven Life - Day 3

WHAT DRIVES YOUR LIFE?



POINT TO PONDER:

Living on purpose is the path to peace.


KEY VERSE:

Those of steadfast mind you keep in peace-- in peace because they trust in you. Isaiah 26:3


WARREN'S THOUGHTS:

Everyone's life is driven by something.

Many people are driven by (i) guilt, (ii) resentment and anger, (iii) fear, (iv) materialism, or (v) the need for approval.

Guilt-driven people are manipulated by their memories. They allow their past to control their future.

Nothing matters more than knowing God's purposes for your life, and nothing can compensate for not knowing them.

Knowing your purpose (i) gives meaning to your life, (ii) simplifies your life, (iii)focuses your life, (iv) motivates your life, and (v) prepares you for eternity.

We are made to have meaning.

The greatest tragedy is not death, but life without purpose.


MY THOUGHTS:

I am particularly struck by Warren's description of the guilt-driven life. I definitely feel like my past is robbing me of my future. I feel like I make more decisions to try to wipe out my past than I do to achieve something I want.

I also know that I crave meaning. I want purpose. And I know that purpose needs to be bigger than me. When I make myself my purpose, I tend to devolve in to self-seeking behaviors and patterns which leave me feeling empty and cold. I seek nothing but pleasures I find myself giving more and more to get less and less. Happiness and pleasure are elusive when I seek my own purpose.

I am driven. Constantly. But I feel the need to change what drives me. It is no longer enought to believe in God. I want to be driven by God's purposes. There, I believe, will be a life that is fulfilling.

God, help me!

Addiction & Redemption

Addiction and redemption ... there's some issues. Could probably write a book on that one. Others probably already have!

The relationship between addiciton and redemption is interesting to me. I consider myself a "born again" Christian. That experience took place over twenty years ago--long before I became an addict. So for me, some of the addiction experience has been inverted.

Many addicts--whether they be alcoholics,smokers,drug addicts, or sex addicts--experience redemption as part of the process of recovery. The most widespread form of recovery from addiction is the twelve steps which start with the following three:

1. We came to acknowledge that we were powerless over our addictive behavior; that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. We came to believe a Power Greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity if that power were sought.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.

So for many addicts, recovery involves a spiritual experience. Redemption through Christ or some other saving figure is a step on the road to recovery.

But I was a Christian before I became an addict. So for me there has been a struggle to discern whether I had truly been a Christian or not, and, if so, how had I stumbled down this road?

So, to make a long story short, this is what I have come to believe. Christ died for my sins. In that act I was redeemed for all time. My life on Earth is a process of realizing and accepting that redemption. To the degree that I can surrender my will to Christ, I can participate in that redemption now. Nevertheless, my life will always have sin and I will always experience some estrangement from Christ while on Earth. Still, for my sake and the sake of others around me, it is best that I learn to surrender on a daily basis. This will help bring God's Kingdom to this world and allow me to live life in joy and serenity (though not without struggle or hard times).

So thank you for asking. It is good to put thoughts into words from time to time.

Purpose Driven Life - Day 2

YOU ARE NOT AN ACCIDENT



POINT TO PONDER: I am not an accident.

KEY VERSE: "This is what the LORD says--he who made you, who formed you in the womb, and who will help you ..." (Isaiah 44:2)


RICK WARREN'S THOUGHTS:

"Long before you were conceived by your parents, you were conceived in the mind of God."

"While there are illegitimate parents, there are no illegitimate children. Many children are unplanned by their parents, but they are not unplanned by God. God's purpose took into account human error, and even sin."


MY THOUGHTS:

I don't think I agree with all that Rick Warren is saying here. The mystery of human freedom contradicts some of what he says about God's plan for a person's parentage, etc. I don't think God ordains the sinful behavior that leads to some children, but I think His grace guides the birth of all children.

Nevertheless, I have to agree that I am not an accident. My place is this universe was accomodated as part of God's plan. And I believe He is personally interested in me.

"What are areas of my persoonality, background, and physical appearance I am struggling to accept?"

I don't really struggle to accept my background. I am one of the lucky ones--born to an upper middle-class white family in one of the richest nations on earth.

I do struggle to accept some of my mental make-up: depression, ADD, and addiction.

Yet remembering that I am not an accident reminds me of the redemptive things in each of these mental traits--I am blessed with sharp analytical intelligence, I have better empathy for the suffering of others, and I am learning patience.

I am not an accident. But I have made many bad choices in my life and that sometimes makes me feel like I am stuck in circumstances beyond my control. Is there a way out? Can my purpose in life be something other than trying to clean-up my past?

Purpose Driven Life - Day 1

IT ALL STARTS WITH GOD

Note from the addict:

[As the addict stumbles along trying to avoid acting out, he has been advised that he needs a vision--something positive to work towards rather than simply a set of negatives to avoid. The addict is a believer and looks to Jesus Christ as the source of life, salvation, and redemption. The addict now embarks on a 40-day journey to explore the purpose and meaning of his life. He has turned to Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life" to aid him on his path.

You are invited to join the addict here as he goes through reflections for forty different days (not necessarily consecutive days). Or, if the idea of turning to God for meaning scares or offends you, you may skip these entries and join the addict elsewhere in his wanderings. Whoever and wherever you may be, the addict is happy to be in your presence.]

PONT TO PONDER: It's not about me!

VERSE TO REMEMBER: The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. (Colosians 1:15-16)[TNIV]

THOUGHTS:

"It's not about you.

"The purpose of your life is far greater than your own personal fulfillment, your peace of mind, or even your happiness. It's far greater than your family, your career, or even your wildest dreams and ambitions. If you want to know why you were placed on this planet, you must begin with God. You were born BY his purpose and FOR his purpose."

"It is only in God that we discover our origin, our identity, our meaning, our purpose, our significance, and out destiny."

MY THOUGHTS:

Right here at the beginning of Rick Warren's book is where the rubber hits the road, so to speak. In essence, I am challenged to decide if I am a believer or not. If I AM a believer, then Warren's assertions make sense: my purpose must come from God because, after all, he created me and the world in which I live. It may be that he is the primordial watch-maker (the prime mover) who simply set the world and the universe in motion and then walked away to observe the outcome impassionately. Or it may be that he is the personal creator claimed by the Christians who enters history and seeks relationship. But in either case, my purpose and meaning in life is determined by God and not by me.

Of course, if I don't believe in a creator, then Rick Warren's assertions make no sense. But then I am probably not reading this book.

As for me, I believe. And so the awareness that it is not about me--as simple as this awareness is--is both important and powerful. If I am to find meaning in life, I must look to my maker and find that meaning in him.

Father of all, my very being and all that I have comes from you. Please direct my attention and my acts to the meaning and purpose for which you have created me.

Amen.

Follow-Up to the Addict's Polka

The addict's last entry lamented the damage caused in his relationshp by the combination of a continued pattern of acting out and then shutting down emotionally. The lament was followed by an exploration of why the addict closes himself off and refuses to share his story with his beloved. In the end, the addict felt he was at the point in recovery for a return to the three-step Addict's Polka:

Step 1: I need help!

Step 2: There is a power that can help me.

Step 3: I will make a decision to accept help from this power.


Today I went to an early morning group meeting (7:00 am). One of the other men shared his frustration and fears around sharing his experiences with his spouse. He want to be open and honest and share with her all of his successes and failures, but he is not in a position to handle negative feedback. So he is afraid to be open and suffer the negative feedback, and afraid of the impetus toward acting out even more that such negative feedback from someone he loves and trusts so much might create.

Wow!

That is exactly what the addict feels. Just understanding this dynamic may help the addict explore his emotions more openly with his beloved. What a refreshing way to start a day: new insight which can help the addict move forward.

Thank you, Fellow Traveler! Your words and willingness to share have helped this addict today.