Ask a Different Question

Sometimes it's the little things that get you. As an addict, you are afraid of the consequences the big things will bring and so you are on your guard. But the little things sneak by. In fact, you may even embrace and cling to the little things, rationalize and justify them.

Last night the addict went to his weekly meeting. During check-in, he received some feedback from another addict. Feedback regarding the little things.



We tend to justify the little things by asking the wrong questions.

We ask:

What are the consequences?
Who am I hurting?
Is this better than acting out by _________?

During check-in another addict shared a better question:

Is this behavior consistent with my vision for who I want to be as a person?

In other words, apart from the addiction, would I look upon this behavior as a healthy behavior? Would I be willing to disclose it to my spouse and friends? If not, then the other questions don't matter; I need to avoid this form of acting out.

The new question represente a better mode of thinking for the addict. Don't focus on whether behavior is wrong, rather set your vision on what is right. Measure yourself against who you want to be rather than just avoiding who you don't want to be. There's more room for growth, peace, and joy with this way of thinking.

So today the addict says, "Thank you, K!" You have helped the addict in a simple, powerful, and very real way.