Break from Cyberspace

The addict is taking a temporary break from posting, but not from life and hard work.

The addict's family has chosen to face the economic insecurity problem by simplifying and downsizing. Thus, an offer has been made on a new (smaller) home.

Now that the addict has an offer on a new home, the old home must be sold. So the next two weeks will be spent doing everything possible to get the house ready for market.

So far, new carpeting has been laid in the living room, dining room, and up the stairs to the second floor. New tiling has been put into three bathrooms. Wallpaper has been removed from three bathrooms.

Still on the agenda: new flooring for the kitchen, painting three bathrooms and two bedrooms, painting the basement family room, cleaning and painting the front porch, new carpeting for two bedrooms, and installing a new sliding door in the basement.

So enjoy your time in cyberspace knowing that the addict is working hard to update real space! Meanwhile, the addict will set his sites on taking a break from the real world in a new backyard.

Economic Insecurity Revisited

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development ... [f]ear of people and economic insecurity will leave us." (pp. 83-84)

The addict examined this promise last week and wondered if it could be true. Can a person really escape the fear of economic insecurity?

The addict asked because he was feeling a great deal of economic insecurity in his life. Bills have been mounting up and fixed expenses (including debt maintenance) have started to outstrip income.

But in the past week the addict and his spouse have taken action. Together they have come up with a proactive plan to reduce debt and restructure finances. This plan was created in tandem, with no arguments, threats, or blame.

The addict and his family will sell their current house and use some of the equity in the house to reduce debt. The consequence will be living in a smaller home with less stuff. But what a trade -- roominess, stuff, debt, and anxiety for coziness, simplicity, and peace of mind. And a good set of lessons for the children, too.

So maybe there is something to losing fear of economic insecurity. Perhaps economic insecurity can be experienced and acknowledged without having to be feared.


meanwhile ...


************************************************

The addict feels a prisoner to his addiction. He fears to go to the office each day because he cannot seem to resist his triggers. Things go well at home and there is real progress in the addict's growth ... but the addiction seems to be as debilitating as ever.

The addict is powerless over his behavior. He cannot manage his life. The addict needs help every day. The addict still needs to learn how to ask for and accept help.

How can one person be so powerless??

*******************************************************

So the life of an addict continues. Ups and downs. New insights and old pains. New strengths. Ongoing helplessness.

Hang in there, addict!

Economic Insecurity

In the Big Book of AA are promises which include the following:

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development ... [f]ear of people and economic insecurity will leave us." (pp. 83-84)

Is that true? Is that what others have experienced?




This addict admits that fear of people is less than what it was, but fear of economic insecurity is still way up there. Especially when the addict's spouse feels this fear so deeply. Can the addict separate his own fear from that projected by his spouse? Would it mean anything if he could? Woud it be fair?

The addict and his family are in tight economic times. This is not due to the addict's lack of earning power. Even with past screw-ups the addict is still making a good living.

But the addict's past created an enormous amount of debt which his spouse took on when she married him. Despite the addict's earning power, the debt seems to be winning. Life is month-to-month, paycheck-to-paycheck.

The addict is a believer. The addict is a Christian who places his faith in Christ for joy and redemption. And so the addict prays the "Our Father" daily.

This foundational prayer includes the petition that the Lord "give us this day our daily bread."

Daily bread ... no more, no less.




The root of the daily bread prayer can be seen in the Book of Proverbs:

"Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.

"Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, 'Who is the LORD?'
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God."

[Proverbs 30:8-10]


So as a Christian the addict is to be concerned only with the needs of the day. Faith is that God will provide for today's needs only.

And from the promises of recovery the addict is supposed to lose his fear of economic insecurity.

Perhaps this addict is weak in faith or perhaps this addict is not seriously working the program of recovery. For this addict still has fears of economic insecurity. How are the bills going to be paid again this month? Can I put anything aside for retirement? Vacation? Education for the children?

The addict believes that a day will come when the promises prove true. For now though, the addict still has fear. The potential for economic insecurity is a very real burden for today's addict.

I surrender ...

Ask a Different Question

Sometimes it's the little things that get you. As an addict, you are afraid of the consequences the big things will bring and so you are on your guard. But the little things sneak by. In fact, you may even embrace and cling to the little things, rationalize and justify them.

Last night the addict went to his weekly meeting. During check-in, he received some feedback from another addict. Feedback regarding the little things.



We tend to justify the little things by asking the wrong questions.

We ask:

What are the consequences?
Who am I hurting?
Is this better than acting out by _________?

During check-in another addict shared a better question:

Is this behavior consistent with my vision for who I want to be as a person?

In other words, apart from the addiction, would I look upon this behavior as a healthy behavior? Would I be willing to disclose it to my spouse and friends? If not, then the other questions don't matter; I need to avoid this form of acting out.

The new question represente a better mode of thinking for the addict. Don't focus on whether behavior is wrong, rather set your vision on what is right. Measure yourself against who you want to be rather than just avoiding who you don't want to be. There's more room for growth, peace, and joy with this way of thinking.

So today the addict says, "Thank you, K!" You have helped the addict in a simple, powerful, and very real way.

Isolation - Addiction - Shame

Struggling in the quiet.

The life of an addict is constant struggle. Struggle for understanding, struggle for control, struggle to hide the pain and keep secrets, struggle to connect with others, struggle to hide from others. Always struggle.

And the struggle is a quiet one. For the addict almost always struggles alone. Not that there is no one who will help the addict. Rather the addict hides and goes to great lengths to push away the arms that offer to help. Isolation. Addiction. Shame. The cycle goes on and on.





I've heard it said that the best way to help an addict is to get the addict outside of himself. Get the addict to help someone else. When the addict helps another he steps outside of his own shell and moves away from self-centered thinking. He is able to break his own Isolation-Addiction-Shame cycle by removing the isolation. Just don't tell the addict this or he will surely resist!!

This addict's recent weeks have been quiet struggle. Struggle with the every day. The addict spent two weeks of traveling for business and avoided all of the acting out which such business trips can bring. A real triumph for the addict.

But then came a return to everyday life and the addict struggled. Isolation. More struggle. Addiction. And then Shame. Which of course the addict follows with more isolation.

The cycle has been broken this week. The addict was able to reach out for support and work on surrendering the addiction to his higher power. And his higher power was good and faithful with the request.

Still, the addict feels isolated. He is an introverted person to begin with (INTP on the Meyers-Briggs test). How can the addict discern between the healthy isolation of an introvert and the unhealthy isolation of an addict? And why must the addict always feel alone?



Despite being an introvert, loneliness sometimes haunts the addict. He forgets that he has chosen to be alone and quickly assumes that he is alone because others have abandoned him. So he acts out to cover his pain. Addiction. Shame. Isolation.

This blog entry could go on forever.

Addiction.

This blog entry could be unending.

Shame.

This blog entry could cycle repeptitively.

Isolation.