Note to Blueshirts

Hello, Blueshirts:

I have acted out twice this week - Monday and Thursday. I don't think I am taking it all very seriously. Perhaps I need to go listen to some "First Step" talks and remind myself of the consequences of acting. What are the costs? What are the risks?

And I also have to say that I haven't really even enjoyed acting out. I feel doubly robbed. I gave up my sobriety and got very little in return.

After I have acted out I can look back and see where I could have said "no." I need to find this point in the process before I act out. Where is that time when I can still stop myself and surrender my body to Christ instead?

Note to Blueshirts

Hello, Blueshirts:

Last week was quiet. I didn't make many calls to other Blueshirts and I didn't get many calls. Are we all on "vacation" from accountability?

I had an ok week. I acted out only once, but would really like to go a full week without doing that.

Today is Monday and a new work week is here.

Today:

F - sad, low energy, quiet, lonely

I - being productive at work; avoiding distraction

N - I need to be honest with myself and others. Rigorous honesty.


I know this is a stressful time for each of us. New school year, job challenges, and some big challenges with home and family. Let's lift one another up in prayer. Your brothers need you!

A Word for the Blueshirts

`For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and the church.

+ Ephesians 5:31-32


[T]here's an important element of truth in our society's idolatrous obsession with sex. Behind every false god we discover our desire for the true God gone awry. The sexual confusion so prevalent in our world and in our own hearts is simply the human desire for heaven gone berserk. Untwist the distortions and we discover the astounding glory of sex in the divine plan. "For this reason ... the two become one flesh." For what reason? To reveal, proclaim, and anticipate the eternal union of Christ and the Church.

+ Christopher West, Theology of the Body for Beginners, 57.

Note to Blueshirts

Good morning, Brothers:

I acted out last night while at home alone. Beth was at class, Emma was with her grandparents, and the other kids were with their dad. I didn't want to act out, but I did. And I don't know that I even got any pleasure out of it. All the guilt and none of the pleasure ... Satan is a master bargainer.

I read the following reflection today on Hazelden's website and thought I would share it with you:

"Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are, in a short time, as bad as ever. If we have admitted we are alcoholics, we must have no reservations of any kind, nor any lurking notion that some day we will be immune to alcohol. What sort of thinking dominates an alcoholic who repeats time after time the desperate experiment of the first drink? Parallel with sound reasoning, there inevitably runs some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. There is little thought of what the terrific consequences may be." Have I given up all excuses for taking a drink?


Have I given up all excuses for looking at porn???

A Turtle's Day

It has been a week of transitions and at then end of the week this turtle is pretty content.

One week ago I started taking the bus to work. It takes some extra time and planning, but it saves gas and money. It also gives me the opportunity to read during my commute which is less stressful than driving in heavy traffic.

I also transitioned to a new office space as they moved our team back to the building we started in. No more "fish bowl" for me. I am actually in an office. But I do miss sitting closer to some of my office friends.

At home we have been watching children come and go. Zoe and Gretchen were at Camp Courage. Then Bayley left for the Dominican Republic. Then Zoe left again for Girl Scout Camp. Today Zoe returns from camp and all of the children are at home. We should have a fun weekend together!

Note to Blueshirts

Good morning, Brothers:

I hope your week has been a good one. I am so very, very grateful for our meeting this past Monday. It has helped set me back on the path to recovery. "Progress ... not perfection."

It had been a long time since we last met face-to-face as a group. That absence of fellowship seemed to put a strain on each of us. The addict inside found it easier to drive wedges between what we wanted for ourselves and what the addict wanted. We each found ourselves struggling. Me especially.

I am happy to report that this has been a clean week for me. I am happier to report that I have kept my commitment to daily phone calls. These have proved important and effective. While I have not acted out, the thoughts have definitely been there. But the commitment to make a call and the knowledge that others were waiting for that call has been enough to keep the addict in check.

I needed the call to prevent the possibility of acting out last night.

One day at a time.

I am committed to calling again today.

Thank you, Blueshirts, for the ways you help me to just keep trying.

Note to Blueshirts

Hi, TZ:

Thanks for your voice-mail and e-mail yesterday. I would still like to get together sometime soon. I need to get out of this rut that I am in. Actually, at this point, I really need to WANT to stop acting out. Part of me is sick and tired of where I am and feeling like a slave to things I don't want to do. Another part of me just wants to keep it up, enjoy it, and continue on with life.

So the first step, I guess, is to pray for the desire to be free of this stuff.

Do I want to be healed???

Pray for me.