You were created to fly
To decorate the blue sky
Show the world your colorful wings
My Butterfly
My Butterfly
--Steve Hindalong/The Choir, "Butterfly" (Free Flying Soul - 1996)
Thursday, February 14, 2008
My Butterfly
You were created to fly
To decorate the blue sky
Show the world your colorful wings
My Butterfly
My Butterfly
--Steve Hindalong/The Choir, "Butterfly" (Free Flying Soul - 1996)
Note to Blueshirts
Good morning, Blueshirts:
I am happy to report another clean day. Work has been extremely busy, but also fulfilling. Beth and I have been more connected and intimate. I feel a little more peace
in my life right now.
Thanks and praise to you, Jesus!!
Today:
F - happy, hopeful, anxious, grateful
I - making good use of time at work; still behind
N - to stay focused and to remember where my strength and salvation comes from
I hope all is going well with each of you.
How was you night with the kids, Paul?
Let's continue to hold each other accountable. Remember, we have each given the others permission to challenge us and we have agreed to provide that accountability for one
another.
Peace, Blueshirts!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Note to Blueshirts
Good morning, Brothers:
I was so grateful to be able to see you all face-to-face last night. These meetings are really good for my sense of balance and recovery. Thank you!
I did not volunteer myself for any commitments for our next meeting. I will do so now in this check-in.
You may recall that my New Year's Resolution this year is to do at least one assignment out of Mark Laaser's workbook each month. I did the assignment for January and now I commit to working through an assignment for our next meeting in two weeks.
Commitments I heard from the group:
P.A. - sign-up for Covenant Eyes or similar software before getting highspeed internet.
O.F. - add someone in the group as an accountability partner on Covenant Eyes
R.J. - Re-establish his Covenant Eyes/XXX Church account.
Needs I heard from the group:
P.A. - phone calls this afternoon and tomorrow night.
R.J. - look for new outer-circle activity to fill time better than hopping on computer.
O.F. - no more vacations for you!!
Thank you, Blueshirts, for your willingness to hold each other accountable to progress on the road to Christ!
Monday, February 11, 2008
Turtle Pulse Check (02/11)
FEELINGS:
Happy, Anxious, Hopeful, Rushed
ISSUES:
Workload, Time management
NEEDS:
Get back on feet at office; keep connected with Beth; connect with Blueshirts; surrender all to Christ.
CHECK-IN:
I am coming off a fairly successful week of travel. It was another gratifying week from a professional point of view. I had another major presentation and, happily, it was very well received.
But again I acted out while on the road. This is getting to be a theme with me. I used to be safe on the road, but lately have been traveling with my computer. Acees to wireless internet in the complete privacy of a hotel room has proven to be too great a temptation for this sex addict to handle.
I am grateful, however, that I only acted out one night. I continued to connect with my sponsor daily and did some work on creating a sponsorship plan to be agreed to with my sponsor.
I spent this past weekend on the road with my family visiting my wife's relatives. We celebrated her mother's 75th anniversary and it was really fun. I was able to stay connected with the family while on the road and patience prevailed even during some very trying circumstances on the drive home. For this I feel great serenity and appreciation for God's ever present work in me.
I once again feel very connected to Beth and this has increased my desire to maintain a sober lifestyle. She is the greatest gift God has ever presented to me and I owe her all of myself I can give to her.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Because I Am Just Nothing
"I feel sometimes afraid, for I have nothing - no brains, no learning, no qualities required for such work - and yet I tell Him that my heart is free from everything and so it belongs completely to Him, and Him alone. He can use me just as it will please Him best. To please Him is the only joy I seek."
* * *
"He will do all. I am only a little instrument in His hands, and because I am just nothing, He wants to use me."
+ Mother Theresa in a letter to the Bishop of Calcutta (03/30/1947)
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Note to Blueshirts
Hello, Blueshirts:
I am on the road again. This time I am in Atlanta for two nights. Another business trip with another presentation to deliver.
On the plus side, this is the same presentation I gave two weeks ago in Miami. The presentation was well received so my stress level is low.
On the negative, I am on the road and that has been a struggle for me lately. I have internet in my hotel room - so I have the means and the opportunity for a full blown binge. But that is not what I want.
I am feeling very connected with Beth now and this is providing motivation to continue to strive for sobriety and recovery. I will be checking in at least twice a day while I am here. Pray for me.
We weren't able to meet this past Monday night. Would everyone be able to meet this coming Monday (Feb 11th)? I think the sooner we meet again the better for all of us. I know it is better for me.
Take care, Brothers!
I am on the road again. This time I am in Atlanta for two nights. Another business trip with another presentation to deliver.
On the plus side, this is the same presentation I gave two weeks ago in Miami. The presentation was well received so my stress level is low.
On the negative, I am on the road and that has been a struggle for me lately. I have internet in my hotel room - so I have the means and the opportunity for a full blown binge. But that is not what I want.
I am feeling very connected with Beth now and this is providing motivation to continue to strive for sobriety and recovery. I will be checking in at least twice a day while I am here. Pray for me.
We weren't able to meet this past Monday night. Would everyone be able to meet this coming Monday (Feb 11th)? I think the sooner we meet again the better for all of us. I know it is better for me.
Take care, Brothers!
Monday, February 04, 2008
A Tale of Two Highways
Due to my increased travel for work this year, Beth and I were able to break with our traditional January trip to the Northshore of Lake Superior and made a getaway to the Florida Keys. The Keys are a vacation paradise off the southern tip of Florida, the Northshore is a backwoods retreat near the Canadian Border.
Despite the extreme differences in geography, there are some strange parallels between these two getaway destinations. The first is the way that the two are dominated by the single, two lane highways that provide the only access in and out. Highway 61 for the Northshore and Highway 1 for the Keys.
HIGHWAY 61
Minnesota's Highway 61 is the northern tip of old U.S. Highway 61. U.S. 61 used to run from New Orleans, LA to the Canadian Border just north of Grand Portage at the tip of the arrow head in Minnesota. U.S. 61 now ends in Wyoming, MN and the northern end has become Minnesota Highway 61.
Minnesota's Highway 61 runs from Duluth along Lake Superior's Northshore all the way to the Canadian Border. Mile 0 is at Duluth while Mile 150 is at Pigeon Falls at the border.
HIGHWAY 1
U.S. Highway 1 is the only route in and out of the Florida Keys. This highway runs from the southernmost point in the continental U.S. (Key West) all the way north along the East Coast to the Canadian Border in Maine.
The portion that serves the Keys runs approximately 120 miles from Florida City down to Mile 0 in Key West.
Photo by Mrs. D-Monk
Both highways so dominate the landscape that almost all directions refer to mile-markers.
Despite the extreme differences in geography, there are some strange parallels between these two getaway destinations. The first is the way that the two are dominated by the single, two lane highways that provide the only access in and out. Highway 61 for the Northshore and Highway 1 for the Keys.
HIGHWAY 61
Minnesota's Highway 61 is the northern tip of old U.S. Highway 61. U.S. 61 used to run from New Orleans, LA to the Canadian Border just north of Grand Portage at the tip of the arrow head in Minnesota. U.S. 61 now ends in Wyoming, MN and the northern end has become Minnesota Highway 61.
Minnesota's Highway 61 runs from Duluth along Lake Superior's Northshore all the way to the Canadian Border. Mile 0 is at Duluth while Mile 150 is at Pigeon Falls at the border.
HIGHWAY 1
U.S. Highway 1 is the only route in and out of the Florida Keys. This highway runs from the southernmost point in the continental U.S. (Key West) all the way north along the East Coast to the Canadian Border in Maine.
The portion that serves the Keys runs approximately 120 miles from Florida City down to Mile 0 in Key West.
Photo by Mrs. D-Monk
Both highways so dominate the landscape that almost all directions refer to mile-markers.
Towns Along the Way
HIGHWAY 61
When traveling Highway 61 along the Northshore, you begin at Duluth and pass through Two Harbors, Beaver Bay, Silver Bay, Illgen, Little Marais, Schroeder, Tofte, Lutsen, Grand Marais, and Hovland, ending in Grand Portage.
HIGHWAY 1
When traveling along U.S. 1 through the Keys, you begin at Florida City and pass through, Key Largo, Newport. Tavernier, Islamorada, Marathon, and Big Pine, ending in Key West.
When traveling Highway 61 along the Northshore, you begin at Duluth and pass through Two Harbors, Beaver Bay, Silver Bay, Illgen, Little Marais, Schroeder, Tofte, Lutsen, Grand Marais, and Hovland, ending in Grand Portage.
HIGHWAY 1
When traveling along U.S. 1 through the Keys, you begin at Florida City and pass through, Key Largo, Newport. Tavernier, Islamorada, Marathon, and Big Pine, ending in Key West.
Tunnels & Bridges
HIGHWAY 61
Highway 61 along the Northshore travels the border where the Sawtooth Mountains meet up with Lake Superior. Because of the presence of the mountains, Highway 61 passes through two long tunnels on its trip up the Northshore. The longer of these is the tunnel at Silver Creek.
HIGHWAY 1
U.S. 1, on the other hand, passes over bridge after bridge as it carries you through the Keys. The longest of these is the famous Seven-Mile Bridge which connects Marathon to Bahia Honda Key.
Highway 61 along the Northshore travels the border where the Sawtooth Mountains meet up with Lake Superior. Because of the presence of the mountains, Highway 61 passes through two long tunnels on its trip up the Northshore. The longer of these is the tunnel at Silver Creek.
HIGHWAY 1
U.S. 1, on the other hand, passes over bridge after bridge as it carries you through the Keys. The longest of these is the famous Seven-Mile Bridge which connects Marathon to Bahia Honda Key.
Nature's Rewards
Finally, each highway culminates in places where Nature provides awesome and spectacular beauty.
HIGHWAY 61
Pigeon Falls (Northern Minnesota)
Photo by D-Monk
On the Northshore, you have the greatness of Lake Superior as a companion for the drive and you end up at Pigeon Falls which form the border between Minnesota and Canada. Pigeon Falls are the highest falls in the state of Minnesota and are very impressive.
HIGHWAY 1
Key West Sunset
Photo by D-Monk
U.S. 1 winds its way through the Keys between the Gulf of Mexico and the Atlantic Ocean ending in Key West. Here Mother Nature provides spectacular shows every evening. Walk down to Mallory Square, grab a drink, find a seat on the pier and you will be treated to an incredible sunset.
HIGHWAY 61
Pigeon Falls (Northern Minnesota)
Photo by D-Monk
On the Northshore, you have the greatness of Lake Superior as a companion for the drive and you end up at Pigeon Falls which form the border between Minnesota and Canada. Pigeon Falls are the highest falls in the state of Minnesota and are very impressive.
HIGHWAY 1
Key West Sunset
Photo by D-Monk
U.S. 1 winds its way through the Keys between the Gulf of Mexico and the Atlantic Ocean ending in Key West. Here Mother Nature provides spectacular shows every evening. Walk down to Mallory Square, grab a drink, find a seat on the pier and you will be treated to an incredible sunset.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Turtle Pulse Check (02/01)
Feelings Today:
Happy, anxious, rushed.
Issues:
Work load. Tons on my plate.
Needs:
Remain connected to Beth; Surrender each moment to Christ.
Check-In:
It's been another good day for the most part. I am still really really busy at the office. This is my reward for seeking more recognition and taking on new responsibilities. While it is sometimes overwhelming, it is also good and rewarding. I am happy with my new role.
It has been another sober day. This makes it a sober week for me. Praise God!
I am feeling very connected with Beth. Our time in the Florida Keys last week was a true blessing. I have rediscovered all of the reasons I fell in love with Beth and feel very much that we are in partnership now. Perhaps keeping my focus on what this relationship can be will help deter a relapse into addiction. Perhaps it will help, but I also know I need to keep doing the hard work of recovery.
I have connected rather strongly with Rod J as a recovery partner and will be asking him to become my sponsor. I am looking forward to this and to having increased accountability from someone I trust.
The weekend is here. It is a circus weekend (a weekend when I have custody of my two children from my first marriage and Beth and I then have six children in the house). Circus weekends go by very fast, so I'll be back here blogging before you know it!
Happy, anxious, rushed.
Issues:
Work load. Tons on my plate.
Needs:
Remain connected to Beth; Surrender each moment to Christ.
Check-In:
It's been another good day for the most part. I am still really really busy at the office. This is my reward for seeking more recognition and taking on new responsibilities. While it is sometimes overwhelming, it is also good and rewarding. I am happy with my new role.
It has been another sober day. This makes it a sober week for me. Praise God!
I am feeling very connected with Beth. Our time in the Florida Keys last week was a true blessing. I have rediscovered all of the reasons I fell in love with Beth and feel very much that we are in partnership now. Perhaps keeping my focus on what this relationship can be will help deter a relapse into addiction. Perhaps it will help, but I also know I need to keep doing the hard work of recovery.
I have connected rather strongly with Rod J as a recovery partner and will be asking him to become my sponsor. I am looking forward to this and to having increased accountability from someone I trust.
The weekend is here. It is a circus weekend (a weekend when I have custody of my two children from my first marriage and Beth and I then have six children in the house). Circus weekends go by very fast, so I'll be back here blogging before you know it!
Note to Blueshirts
Brothers:
I read the following reflection today and it impressed upon me the importance of our group:
*************************************************************
"Finally, all of you, have unity of spirit, sympathy, love for one another, a tender heart, and a humble mind."
- 1 Peter 3:8
God enables us to love the fear out of one another.
We drive fear from our families and friends by loving one another so supportively that every one feels safe inside the group. (1 John 4:18) This safety allows us to bring our humanity into the open, including all our pain and joy, our ups and downs, our victories and defeats.
It means you give to others the same uncommon safety Christ gives you – to be real, to be sad, to be messed up and confused, yet to be loved.
God challenges us to create a Christ-community where we love like our lives depend upon it (1 Peter 1:22) and can each “live and move and have our being.” (Acts 17:28)
We’re to weep together and celebrate together, caring for each other equally (1 Corinthians 12:25-26) as we comfort and confront, warm and warn, cherish and challenge, within an atmosphere of supportive safety.
************************************************************************
So, Brothers, I thank you for providing a safe place where we can "love the fear out of one another."
--
+PAX
D-Monk
I read the following reflection today and it impressed upon me the importance of our group:
*************************************************************
"Finally, all of you, have unity of spirit, sympathy, love for one another, a tender heart, and a humble mind."
- 1 Peter 3:8
God enables us to love the fear out of one another.
We drive fear from our families and friends by loving one another so supportively that every one feels safe inside the group. (1 John 4:18) This safety allows us to bring our humanity into the open, including all our pain and joy, our ups and downs, our victories and defeats.
It means you give to others the same uncommon safety Christ gives you – to be real, to be sad, to be messed up and confused, yet to be loved.
God challenges us to create a Christ-community where we love like our lives depend upon it (1 Peter 1:22) and can each “live and move and have our being.” (Acts 17:28)
We’re to weep together and celebrate together, caring for each other equally (1 Corinthians 12:25-26) as we comfort and confront, warm and warn, cherish and challenge, within an atmosphere of supportive safety.
************************************************************************
So, Brothers, I thank you for providing a safe place where we can "love the fear out of one another."
--
+PAX
D-Monk
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