The Addict Smiles

The Addict has not been sleeping well lately, but things are looking up.

The Addict has arrived at the office after a quick and uneventful commute. Work awaits with a renewed sense of empowerment because of the role he has on the Corporate Markets Team. But with that renewed purpose comes the stress of being already behind.

Such is life.

And with that stress comes the realization that caffeine consumption has been on the rise. Yesterday the Addict had both a bottle of Mountain Dew and a can of coke. That's too much. So the remainder of Lent will be dedicated to re-cleansing the system of caffeine.

The skies outside are grey and gloomy, but the Addict has to feel that the outlook is pleasant and sunny. What a fortunate soul is the Addict: a loving and understanding wife and lover, a family of happy and precocious children, stimulating and enjoyable work, and a network of brothers who both love the Addict and hold him accountable.

Yes, indeed, the Addict is a very fortunate individual. And so he smiles
as he writes this note and looks forward to a day of challenges. The Addict smiles and
thinks, "It is good."

Feelings Check-In

This morning the addict woke up to the following emotions:

Shame, Guilt, Remorse.

Not the emotions you want to have greet you in the morning. Yet, such emotions do serve a purpose. The addict needs to be reminded of the hurt and pain his acting-out can cause. So, in a sense, the addict is grateful for these emotions. Still, the challenge now is to change behavior, not to abandon self-esteem.

Dumpster to Dumpster

There's a man in D-Monk's driveway.
He's got a garbage dumpster and he's rolling it up right to D-Monk's car.
He's opening up the doors to D-Monk's car and starting to throw trash from the car to the dumpster.
And ...
wait a minute ...
oh ...
the man is D-Monk!

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So what's got D-Monk out here in the early morning emptying the contents of his car into the family garbage dumpster?

D-Monk's gonna be giving his boss a ride to the airport today and, unfortunately, the interior of D-Monk's car looks much like the interior of a dumpster.




The floor of D-Monk's back seat is filled with papers, bottles, wrappers, etc. Why did he volunteer to drive his boss in this car?

Such is the life of an addict who suffers from depression and A.D.D.



Oh well, at least now D-Monk has a clean car!!!

Time for the Fourth Step

As the addict continues to stumble, the time has come to do a Fourth Step inventory. From the Big Book of SAA:

STEP FOUR: MADE A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS MORAL INVENTORY OF OURSELVES.

A searching and fearless moral inventory is one of the means by which we open ourselves to the care and healing of our Higher Power.

A moral inventory can be described as a systematic examination of all the beliefs, feelings, attitudes, and actions that have shaped our lives from the earliest years.

In making this inventory, we take special care to identify those aspects of our character that have caused harm to ourselves and others, so as to bring them forward for healing and change in later steps.

The Fourth Step inventory is a written inventory.

Our inventory is searching, because we try to examine ourselves as thoroughly and painstakingly as possible. It is fearless, because we don't let our fear stop us from digging deeper. It is moral, because it concerns our values and the consequences of our actions for ourselves and others.

We look honestly at the defects that drove our behavior such as: (i) selfishness, (ii) desire for control, (iii) an attitude of entitlement, (iv) feelings of superiority, or (v) feelings of inferiority.

We may also choose to inventory our resentments.

In our inventory, we list the people and situations that have hurt us, citing specific instances.

We then go back over the list of resentments, looking at each incident, and ask ourselves what role we played in the situation.

When we review our responsibility in conflicts, we see the pattern of our character defects emerge.

These defects include: (i) dishonesty, (ii) selfishness, (iii) self-centeredness, (iv) lack of humility, (v) grandiosity, (vi) pessimism, (vii) the desire to control everything around us, or any other shortcomings that we see coming up again and again in our relationships with others.

Radio Silence

A NOTE TO MY ACCOUNTABILITY TEAM

Hello, Brothers:

You haven't heard much from me this week. "Radio silence." That usually means one thing ...

I have acted out each and every day this week. It seems that avoiding that "first drink" is utmost for my survival. Once triggered earlier this week, I seem to be unable to break the pattern. I think I need to put some boundaries in place to avoid the trigger that breaks good sobriety.

Although I have been out of contact, I thank each of you for being there. It is good to know I can come back to the fold and that you will accept me, direct me, and help me start anew.

D-Monk

Spiritus Contra Spiritum

"But what I really thought about was the result of many experiences with men of his kind. His craving for alcohol was the equivalent, on a low level, of the spiritual thirst of our being for wholeness, expressed in medieval language: the union with God. How could one formulate such an insight in a language that is not misunderstood in our days?

"The only right and legitimate way to such an experience is that it happens to you in reality, and it can only happen to you when you walk on a path which leads you to higher understanding. You might be led to that goal by an act of grace or through a personal and honest contact with friends, or through a higher education of the mind beyond the confines of mere rationalism."

--Carl Jung, Letter to Bill W. dated Jan. 30, 1961

Purpose Driven Life: Day 16

WHAT MATTERS MOST



POINT TO PONDER:

Life is all about love.


VERSE TO REMEMBER:

The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." [Gal 5:14 ]


RICK WARREN'S THOUGHTS:

Because God is love, the most important lesson he wants you to learn on earth is how to love. It is in loving that we are most like him, so love is the foundation of every command he has given us: "For the whole law is summed up in a single commandment, `You shall love your neighbour as yourself.'" [Gal 5:14].

Jesus said our love for each other--not our doctrinal beliefs--is our greatest witness to the world. He said: "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." [John 13:35].

Jesus summarized what matters most to God in two statements: love God and love people. He said: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." [Matt 22:37-40].

After learning to love God (worship), learning to love others is the second purpose of your life.

The Best Expression of Love Is Time

The importance of things can be measured by how much time we are willing to invest in them. The more time you give to something, the more you reveal its importance and value to you.

Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can't make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.

Whenever you give your time, you are making a sacrifice and sacrifice is the essence of love.

Love means giving up--yielding my preferences, comfort, goals, security, money, energy, or time for the benefit of someone else.


D-MONK'S THOUGHTS:

Loving others is the second purpose of our life. First, love God, then love neighbor. It doesn't get much more straight forward than this.

Where I think Rick Warren offers a real insight is on his concept of how love is expressed: time. When you think about it, there is no better way to say "I love you," than to spend time with a person. The workaholic may claim to be loving through providing financial support, but time is the greater gift.

So if the two greatest commandments are to love God and to love neighbor, I need to start spending more time with both!

Tales from the Tarmac

Oh what a stressful trip D-Monk had! Sure, there was the issue of being away from the family during a colossal snow storm (17"). Sure, there was the issue of being prepared for and delivering a three hour presentation to an audience of 40. But these were not the real sources of stress on this trip. The real stress came on the tarmac.

The snow was flying when D-Monk left his house on Thursday morning. He expected delays and he got them. It took over thirty minutes just to check-in for his flight and another thirty minutes to clear security. Then there was the expected flight delay, followed by a 1 1/2 hour wait on the tarmac for fresh pilots and de-icing.

But then there was Philadelphia. D-Monk now officially relates Philadelphia International Airport as the worst airport he has passed through in all of his travels.

Philly's airport has six terminals (A, B, C, D, E, and F). Heaven help the passenger who arrives in one terminal and then has to connect with a flight in another terminal. For in Philadelphia, unlike other airports, changing terminals means going through security a second time. This meant a second one-hour wait for D-Monk. D-Monk had a two-hour layover in Philly, but wondered how passengers with normal fifteen or twenty minute layovers managed to navigate this travel trap.



The other nuisance about Philly's airport: all the good restaurants are on the outside of the security clearance area. This means if you want food during a layover, you have to consider subjecting yourself to yet another wait in the lines for the security checkpoints. So if you have the misfortune of making a connecting flight in Philly, you must face huge lines to re-clear security and then sit at a terminal with no decent dining options while waiting for your flight. This can be especially frustrating if your flight is delayed!

On D-Monk's return trip to Minneapolis, things got worse. D-Monk again had to make a connecting flight in Philadelphia. Again he had to re-clear security in a one-hour wait. Again he got stuck in a terminal with no food. And again his flight was delayed (it was still snowing in Minnesota).

But then things got worse. D-Monk and the other passengers boarded the flight after a 1 1/2 hour delay ... and went no where. The plane just sat there. And sat there. And sat there.

After thirty minutes the passengers were informed that the plane could not leave the gate with the current flight crew. They had had "a very long day." FAA regulations didn't permit them to fly another leg. So the airline was looking for another crew! When another crew was located, the passengers were told that they were currently on another flight and would land in Philadelphia "soon."

To make a long story short, we spent two and a half hours trapped on that plane without leaving the gate. And the ironic part is that the original flight crew had to stay until the replacement crew arrived. If the flight had simply left the gate when we originally boarded, the crew would have ended their shift just as fast ... only then all of the passengers would actually be in Minneapolis!

Jeepers!!